I have had this reoccurring problem my entire life! I know that I am in control but, how do I let this happen? Not only once but, over and over!!! I let people walk all over me! In my jobs, my home, pretty much anywhere... Is it that I'm afraid to confront them? Usually when it happens, either I don't notice it right away or, I can't find the right words in time to explain my feelings in a way that is tactful. So, most of the time I don't say anything at all. Really, it's just about being honest! Why is it so hard for me to be honest when people do or say something to me that I do not like? Personally, I appreciate people who can find the words to be honest about how they feel! So, why then do I find it so hard to do myself? I am finding it's easier with my close friends and family but, strangers and my employers are really what is tough! Well, one obvious reason with employers is that you need a job! If you tick them off with your honesty, it might end up biting you in the tush! I know though, there has got to be a way with finesse of words, to stand up for yourself while not poking the bear! I am obviously, just not that good at it! I have an aggressive personality but, when it comes to this, sometimes I just don't want the hassle standing up for myself might cause! Unfortunately, by not speaking up I cause storms within myself anyway! I did read a blog once that said maybe it's me that just "thinks" I'm being a victim! Because, I always expect people to walk all over me it happens. There may be some truth to this but, still to this day I have not found a way to fix it! It also seems that people in general would rather be lied to about certain things; then why I ask, do they ask questions they really don't want to know the answer to? This is just an area I need to explore further! Maybe with a better vocabulary and some daily affirmations I can feel more confident in standing up for myself! Please, please if I ever say or treat you in a way that is offensive or hurtful, say something! I may get butt hurt at first but, in the long run I will be great-full! I just need to give others the same respect! If I feel I am being used as a doormat then it is unfair to me and them not to say something!
My daily affirmation:
I am a strong, good person and I have the right to be honest about my feelings!
If you have any ideas or share a similar belief or experience about honesty please share!!!
Ahhhhh! It's like you're in my brain. Since moving to Houston this has been a HUGE problem for me. In CT I was used to having people around me that frankly, I could say almost anything I wanted to them. There were some heated arguments and hurt feelings, soon forgiven once both sides were given the time to explain but as you say it's not always that easy especially when it comes to professional relationships. I've begun to realize since being in Houston how lucky I was to have that environment available to me (especially because it's hard for me to keep my mouth shut about ANYTHING that is upsetting to me.) I guess the biggest thing is to choose your battles wisely. I've found that if I give my opinion out or bring up something bothersome to me too often, it's never taken seriously. Also many times throughout my life when I couldn't say the right words or if I would find myself talking in circles, I would just write it in a letter or list and then literally give them the letter, read the person the letter, or while speaking to them about whatever the issue is I would refer to my list to keep myself on track. I hope where ever the problem lies that it gets better. You are not a door mat! :D
ReplyDeleteLOL - Thank you Dana! You can talk to me anytime... Craziness happened today really testing me on this and I went a little crazy!!! LOL Hopefully tactfully! THEN - I found this inspiration just now:
ReplyDeleteInspirations by Sudhir Krishnan : In addition to your actions, it is important to know that your thoughts and feelings about people do influence them, in both positive and negative ways. The more intimate the relationship, more this becomes true. If we carry positive opinions about people around us, they actually become more positive. On the other hand, if we carry judgements, negative opinions, and criticism in our minds, the people at which our judgements are directed at actually become more negative.
This is true even if we try to repress our feelings and hide our negativity, and try to appear positive. If negativity is in our thoughts and beliefs, then it is in our energy. Even if we try to fake it, it is present internally, and comes out in the form of the words we choose, the body language, the look in our eyes, the actions we do, and the tone of our voice. The people at which it is directed at will feel it anyway, and in reacting consciously or subconsciously to your negative beliefs, they actually become more like what you believe them to be.
If you believe them to be uncaring, they will become more so. If you believe them to be irrational, they will become more so. If you believe them to be hypersensitive, they will actually become more so. This is law of attraction working in our relationships. You are actually creating your reality through your beliefs about other people. Conversely, by holding positive beliefs of people being loving, caring, affectionate, trusting, respecting etc, we can encourage the increase of those qualities in people around us also.
This is why romantic relationships are easy at first, but get more challenging as time goes by, as in the beginning there is no negative beliefs built up, however over time, as we tend to have a history of experiences with them, we tend to build negative judgements, and thus encourage more negative behavior from our partners. Couples that hold no accumulated negativity in their minds about their partners do much better than those who carry no such negativity. The quality of your relationship is thus proportional to the quality of your beliefs about your partner.